Why Don’t You Cry About It?

Most mammals have tear ducts that squirt liquid onto their eyeballs, but elephants, gorillas and camels are the only species besides us with the ability to cry over something emotional. I’m not sure what would bring a camel to tear up, though. (A saggy hump maybe?)

Emotional tears are a little different from the ones normally excreted. Science tells us that when you cry over something emotional-like over a sappy movie-the tears glazing over your puffy eyes are actually full of ACTH or adrenocorticotrophic hormone. This is a hormone associated with stress. Apparently crying is nature’s way of avoiding a heart attack by forcing out excess stress hormones through your eyes.

You don’t see a lot of men blubber over their kids finally taking their place on the crapper, or wipe away tears while watching baby seals get attacked by killer whales on Animal Planet.

This may be another reason why women live so much longer: Women get to cry freely without any stigma attached, while men force those ACTH rich tears back into their systems, and reaffirm their manliness with a quick fart or nonchalant burp (Just to break the tension).

Some women even get PAID to cry at funerals. (Men provide the flatulence for free.) These strangers ensure that there are enough wailing mourners to make the corpse feel truly missed. Everybody wins with crying!….sort of.

People who cry are usually considered to be weak little pansies, but you couldn’t be farther from the truth. Individuals with something to actually cry about-like burning ulcers and colitis-may suffer from those conditions because they don’t cry enough! Ironic, eh? It’s science!!!

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About Gina Coleman

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
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